Investigative Solutions Group, Unlimited

Your Eye on the World!!

DEB'S WORDS

An Epidemic

Posted on July 18, 2017 at 11:15 AM

I’m kind of known for my rants, though I think my rants are few and far between. If I WROTE about what I THOUGHT about, now that would be another story. But this thought keeps cropping up for me so I am compelled to write it.

The newest thing that has caught my interest, or if you will, my “mind’s eye” is the excuse that has become wildly acceptable and is now completely overused. In fact, in my opinion, it is so over used, it is now abused and creating a whole genre of excuses under the guise of “Setting boundaries” OR “Just taking Care of Myself”.

That’s right. People are getting away from all manner of things that need their attention because they are just laying down their boundaries. Example – “No, I can’t cook cupcakes for the PTA. I have too much to do and I have to draw the line somewhere.” Or another example – “I have to take care of myself. So I’m sorry that you are short handed at the raffle (or whatever you want to plug in here..). Yes, I did say I would help if I could, but I just can’t. “

Of course, everyone does over extend themselves from time to time and yes, when that happens, and you are reaching a point of exhaustion, something has to give. That is NOT what I am talking about.

What I am talking about is when they use excuses of boundaries and self care to explain why they aren’t doing the HARD things that need to be handled, giving themselves solace that it is ok for them to walk away from situations that desperately need dealing with.

For example, you are part of a team working on a project to promote a new item at work. One of the team members is taking credit for ideas that another member came up with. The whole team benefits regardless of who came up with the idea and it wasn’t yours. So you tell yourself, “I’m just taking care of me and I can’t fix the world”, and you don’t say anything to your supervisor about who really came up with the great ideas.

Another example would be that you have 4 months left on a contract with a client. It has become grossly apparent that the office manager is derelict in many duties and has done their best to keep this from the boss. You know that if you bring this to the head man’s attention, your contract would be extended but the clean up would be astronomical stress wise, so you say nothing. Hey!!! I’m just taking care of myself – it’s a boundary issue. But is it? When does taking care of myself become the lead item over doing the “right thing”?

These may be extremes as far as examples go, but they do happen and they are actual examples. But on a smaller scale, we see things like this every day. And what is happening to our standards as a community is we are creating a clan of wimps and handing them a sugar coated excuse to be a wimp. There is a fine line of setting a boundary so that you are not taken advantage of or even bullied during a relationship and crossing that line as using “your boundaries” so as not to be held accountable for things you might not be able to do or WANT to do.

People use “boundaries” to avoid difficult conversations, or difficult people. I am considered a “difficult person” by many as I ask a lot of questions and expect answers and many times people don’t want to even think about the questions, much less come up with an answer.

What I am talking here is not about prying or demanding things that are not other people’s business or right to expect. What I am talking about is how people avoid being accountable based upon commitments they have made and then suddenly decide they don’t want to be involved in anymore.

The next time you start a conversation with “I have to take care of myself and this is my boundary”, before you do, ask yourself, “What am I really avoiding here – a headache or a responsibility?”

That word – responsibility. That is another rant for another day.

 

 

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